My Best Friend Whether You Know It or Not

Download Article

Download Commodity

It can be painful to have been used past a friend; when those close to us take advantage we tin feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. We may begin to lose trust of others around united states, given that we feel blindsided.^[1] Sometimes friends are oblivious to their own deportment but other times they are intentionally using yous. There are ways to figure out whether you are beingness used, to help you to decide whether information technology is time to ditch your friend.

1. 1

   Observe if your friend only reaches out when in need of something. If your friend only wants to talk to you or spend time with you when in need of help or advice, or if information technology is always about your friend'southward needs, then information technology's possible yous're existence used. ^[2]

   • Does your "friend" e'er telephone call or text to hear about your 24-hour interval? Or does he or she simply run to you when in need something? It could be a ride to the store, cigarettes, a bit of weed, a place to stay for the night, yous're their fall guy when in demand of a quick fix.
   • Have note of whether this is a continued pattern of behavior. After all, helping out friends is a part of friendship; sometimes people go downward on their luck and demand help. Simply, if this is occurring all of the time, or it is the just context where you interact, then it is possible you are being used.

2. two

   Appraise whether your friend can exist trusted. A real friend does not betray your secrets, particularly in a way that could harm you. To assess whether your friend can be trusted, think back on whether your friend has leaked private information about yous; especially if information technology is for personal proceeds. If so, it is possible that yous are being used.^[3]

   • Remember about her relationship with her other friends. Does your friend betray the trust of his or her other friends or otherwise employ them? If so, this is a sign that that your friend could exist using y'all too.

   Advertisement

3. iii

   Assess whether your friend excludes you. Does your friend ofttimes exclude you from social events? A friend who is not using you lot would exist inclusive and inviting, particularly among a group of friends that you both already know.^[4]

   • Keep in mind that friends do not demand to invite each other to every social event that they attend; but if your friend never invites you to anything, and only reaches out when in need of something, your friend could be using you lot.
   • If your friend mentions having plans with a grouping of friends that y'all as well know, only you lot take not been invited, endeavour request if you can come too. Pay attention to the response. If there are no real logistical reasons why y'all could non attend and your friend notwithstanding does not invite you lot, or makes up some flaky excuse for why you cannot attend, it is possible yous are being used and this friend is not genuine.
   • An example of a legitimate logistical concern would be if your friends were going camping but at that place was no more space in the car for yous.

4. 4

   Watch your friend's actions. Actions speak louder than words; if your friend is ever proverb that he or she will render a favor but never does, it'south possible y'all're being used.^[5]

   • Here's an example where your friend could exist using you lot: Yous have your friend out to dinner a few times because he or she was upset about something. Your friend promises to return the favor simply then never does and continues to complain about the problem you were helping your friend with. If this goes on and on, your friend may be using y'all.
   • Enquire yourself whether your friend is grateful. Does your friend seem genuinely appreciative when you assistance him or her out? If then, possibly your friend is not using y'all but just really is in need of some friendly aid. If your friend doesn't seem to care much when yous help, this could be a sign of taking advantage of y'all.

5. 5

   Watch for guilt trips. If your friend frequently tries to manipulate you lot with tactics such every bit trying to guilt you into things that you don't desire to exercise, it's possible you're beingness used.^[6]

   • Enquire yourself whether yous would have helped your friend if she or he did not try to make you feel guilty or feel bad about the situation. If the reply is yes, then maybe y'all are non being used merely instead are being helpful.^[seven]

6. half dozen

   Assess whether your friend is decision-making. If your friend is always trying to boss you around and tell you what to do, especially if it benefits her or her friends, he or she may be using you.^[8]

   • To assess whether your friend is controlling, consider the post-obit: Controlling people frequently have tempers and apply them to get their way. They may use other emotions, likewise, such every bit guilt, or sadness to get you to do their bidding. Exist sure to watch for signs of emotional manipulation as information technology is a clear sign that someone is being controlling. ^[nine]
   • Your friend may effort to isolate you so that yous have less outside social back up and are more likely to requite in and do as demanded. Your friend may effort to accomplish this by criticizing your other friends and family in an endeavor to become you to spend less time with them. ^[10]

7. 7

   Trust your instincts. If information technology feels that your friend is existence insincere, especially if this is a repeated pattern, y'all are probably right. To be certain, face up your friend. Ask whether he or she actually means the things existence said.^[eleven]

   • Assess your friend's graphic symbol. Exist completely honest with yourself and ask whether your friend is deep down a practiced person who cares about you or whether it seems that he or she is motivated by selfish goals.
   • Character traits include things similar your friend'south level of honesty, integrity, sincerity, and trustworthiness. Think back on everything y'all know about your friend and his or her interactions both with you and with others. Recall about how your friend behaves in relation to the aforementioned traits merely likewise about the blazon of things that he or she says that chronicle to those traits, also.^[12]
   • For example, if your friend talks about how he or she tells people to their faces one thing then does another, there is a take a chance your friend is doing the same thing to yous, and it is possible that you are being used.

   Ad

1. 1

   Fix yourself. If your friend ways something to you lot, yous should be sure that he or she is using you before you decide to cutting all ties. You can do this by confronting your friend in a calm, rational way.^[thirteen]

   • Go along in heed that if deep down he or she is a good friend, he or she was not using you but was just oblivious and will probable exist willing to change. If your friend is using yous and gets upset and you lose him or her every bit a friend as a issue of the confrontation, that is probably for the best anyhow.^[14]

2. 2

   Find a tranquility spot. When you confront your friend, be sure to do it in a quiet spot so that he or she doesn't get agitated. Brand certain you lot are in a place that you can both speak your minds freely without feeling overly self-conscious. Avoid places similar crowded restaurants with tables close together.

   • Endeavour bringing upwardly the conversation with your friend on a walk in a nice park.

3. 3

   Be lonely with your friend. Do non bring other friends into the mix, even if they have the same complaint. Having other friends there could be overwhelming and could scare your friend off or make him or her especially upset.

   • If one person criticizes you for something, you may be willing to take the advice and change. If several people criticize you at the same time, y'all may feel threatened and get offended; after all, it means that all those people had sat around and talked negatively about you lot, which could be frustrating.^[15]

4. 4

   Speak calmly just assertively. Explain your reasons for suspecting that your friend is using you lot and see what he or she says. Lay out specific details so that your friend cannot just shrug it off, call you accusatory, or a liar.^[16]

   • However, practice not be too nit-picky in your examples; your friend could plow the tables on you and call y'all trivial.
   • Brand certain you speak near your friend's actions and not his or her character. If you make it virtually specific actions, your friend volition be less probable to get upset; if you call your friend a user, he or she may get upset and the conversation will quickly dissolve.
   • For example, you could say something like, "I gave you rides when your car was existence repaired last month. However, when my car broke down this week and I asked y'all for a ride to work, you ignored my request. I've realized that when I ask you for help you lot tend ignore me."

5. 5

   Seek an apology. If your friend apologizes and is willing to change his or her behavior and yous actually observe that he or she is changing for the ameliorate, there is a chance that your friend was not using you lot but was simply oblivious to what turned out to be selfish actions. Sometimes people get caught upward in their ain lives and worlds and are not aware that their actions came across equally selfish.^[17]

6. half dozen

   Consider breaking it off if yous feel that it's all about existence used and nothing to practise with genuine friendship. Explain why y'all can't be friends with this person anymore and cease talking to him or her. Do non let your former friend convince y'all that they will change, specially if yous've given them multiple chances already. This person will proceed taking reward of you lot if yous permit him or her back in.

   Advertizing

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email accost to become a bulletin when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertizement

Video

• Some friends have a selective hearing problem. They won't simply ignore your problems just they'll ignore anything that doesn't involvement them. The topic of conversation has to be well-nigh them or something entertaining to them to even go a response. Sometimes they will run all over your sentences and interrupt yous.

• Look your friend straight in the eye when confronting them.

• Cheque for their call. They won't call you when you move. Not very oftentimes anyway. This means they viewed yous every bit a source of entertainment considering they're non checking upwards to see how you're doing.

• Don't joke effectually when against your friend. Yous desire your friend to know you are being serious.

• Know whether your friend thinks y'all're a verbal dumping ground and should merely listen to their problems. You can tell this happens when y'all've listened and given plenty of feedback to your friend but when yous need to vent, they either change the field of study or human action disinterested. They might even flat out tell you they don't care and disregard your feelings. That's a sign they have a lack of empathy, which can turn emotionally abusive in the long run.

• Look for classic signs of manipulation, such as guilt-tripping and blaming

• If whenever you face up them, they turn everything around on you, this is a sign of expose. When you bother to stand for yourself and they get all defensive and play the victim, be wary.

• If they proceed asking you to buy things for them, they may be using you for money. Also, note if they complain or whine when you decline to do something they want.

• Before you become around accusing people, make sure that it actually is a problem and you're not just making a big bargain out of nothing.

• When in doubt, enquire for a second stance! You can ask a close friend, family member, or the friend of the person you remember is using you. This will help you to meet if you are over/under reacting.

Advertizing

• Check if they disrespect you. If they always talk poorly about the people you care most, walk all over you, take advantage of y'all, act as well immature, or proceed doing the same thing afterwards apologizing, then it's time to go rid of them.

• Notice when most of your friend's "jokes" are put downs. Some simulated friends might non just use y'all for your stuff just also to tear down your self esteem to make themselves seem superior. If they make rude jokes that are obviously hurtful and say they're kidding so they can get away with it, and so you need to face up them.

• If they don't concur with your confrontations considering plainly they're improve than you in their heed, don't let them meet you upset. They feed off of information technology and will either non care or express mirth at you.

• Watch out for and so-called friends who "forget" things they've said or done in the past that were major deal sealers between the two of you. This selective retentiveness serves their purpose but definitely not yours. Do not allow such a friend gaslight y'all.

• If you lot are not sure the friend is using you expect a while, enquire other people and don't inquire them about it right away because it may not be true; a false accusation could damage your friendship.

• Don't bring along another friend, or the accused might feel surrounded. Make sure it's one-on-one and you're in a comfy setting.

Advertisement

Nearly This Article

Article Summary X

To know if your friends are using you, detect if they only reach out when they need something. For example, exercise your friends ever text to ask about your twenty-four hour period or do they only contact you when they need a ride or a place to stay? Another sign that your friends are using you is if they can't be trusted with private information, specially if it'south for their personal proceeds. They may also be using you if they repeatedly exclude you from social events. Also, note if your friends are overly controlling of your time or actions, especially if this benefits them. To learn how to ask your friends if they're using yous, go along reading!

Did this summary assistance you?

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 357,436 times.

Did this article aid you?

My Best Friend Whether You Know It or Not

Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Know-If-Your-Friends-Are-Using-You

Share this post